


looking for the shapes in the silence

by shudder



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, I just wanted to make Vriska a good person, Vriska Apologism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25987180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shudder/pseuds/shudder
Summary: All she’s ever done was hurt people. That’s behind her, now, and this moment defines what lays ahead.
Kudos: 1
Collections: August 2020 - Lyricstuck





	looking for the shapes in the silence

**Author's Note:**

> for the homestuck writer gang gang server monthly theme! inspired by some lyrics (the title) from "constellations" by the oh hellos.
> 
> takes place directly after terezi kills vriska after the coin flip

She’s not sure what to say. She’s not even sure if she can say anything, after all she’s put Terezi through. And all the rest of them, really. She should apologize, sure, but it’s not like Terezi doesn’t owe her an apology too. She fucking killed her, that’s gotta be grounds for some kind of sorry. She’s not used to the words, though. She’d rather just brush past it and move on with her life. So should Terezi.

Judging by the way Terezi is seated and waiting, however, that doesn’t seem likely. “I’m not sure if noticed yet, Mindfang, but the council is waiting.” She gestures toward the scalemates seated around her, and cackles.

Vriska just nods, even though she knows Terezi can’t see it. What should she say? ‘Sorry’ is too weak, cowardly at this point. She’s nothing if she’s a coward. Nothing else seems like the right answer, though. There’s so much going on in her head, she doesn’t even know what thoughts are hers. Most of them don’t seem like they are, but it’s not like that matters much.

Truthfully, the thoughts that aren’t hers are probably the best bet at this point. All she’s ever done was hurt people. That’s behind her, now, and this moment defines what lays ahead. She’s lost all faith in her luck to carry her onward in this. “Yes, Redglare. I would like to make a case for my continued existence. How does the council find that?”

All she has now are her words. She has to make the court feel that she’s changed. But how? Her actions haven’t shown that. Hell, she’s not even sure if she believes it herself. But after killing Tavros and being (rightfully) suspected of all the other deaths, something has to change. Not even for anyone else, just to keep herself alive.

At this rate, she’ll be on her way to a just death very soon, and no one could survive without her. That’s why she feels bad, really, it’s not remorse or anything. Remorse is for loser boy-skylarks.

There she goes again, making fun of a dead guy. She’s gotta cut this out if she wants any chance at redemption.

She turns again to Terezi, who has stayed silent since her answer. She decides to take the chance that she means yes. Even if chance is definitely not on her side these days.

“Look. I can’t change what I’ve done. I killed the kid. You killed me. We’re even. I’m not gonna kill any more people, I proooooooomise.” Short and sweet. That should be good, right? Maybe she should add more. She hardly gets a syllable out, however, when Terezi speaks up.

“We’ll have no more from you. You’ve committed murder. Not, itself, a crime, no. But he was your friend. Do you have any regrets about that? We all loved the kid. Well, you didn’t, obviously, but no one else despised him. And no one doubted you were the one behind all the other murders, because of that! What do you have to say about that?”

Her shoulders sag a bit. She’s right. Maybe she needs to start being truthful with not only Terezi, but with herself too. She does feel bad. It was a mistake. “I can’t change it. I already said that. I shouldn’t have killed him.”

The thoughts of Tavros come back, and fuck there’s tears welling up in her eyes. Killing was always so easy, so normal, what happened to her? How did she make it here, so torn up over this. For the first time, she’s really feeling everything she’s done.

She’s had to push everything aside, her whole life. The culture, her position in it, everything made her kill. She’s done now. That’s over. She’s going to make her own choices, and she’s going to let herself feel. Fuck Terezi, she can banish her all she wants.

Curling over into herself, Vriska starts sobbing. It’s all she can do. She has nothing of herself anymore. All she’s ever done, all the pain she’s ever caused, it returns to her.

She feels a hand on her back, and looks up. Terezi has come to comfort her, and she’s smiling. It’s been a long time since she’s seen a genuine smile from her.

“I knew you’d come around,” she says, her smile turning into a smirk. Of course she did, she’s the fucking Seer of Mind, why else would she have done this. The whole trial was all a ploy to make Vriska realize she needed to change for real.

“You sly bastard,” Vriska mutters. She dries her eyes and stands back up. Time to now go and do all the things she just promised herself. Even if that means going and apologizing to the rest of them.

She shudders, then flies off, blowing a cheeky kiss to Terezi.


End file.
